Patton Oswalt on Magicians ( Stand up )

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cyanmanta : Pretty sure the bartender just pocketed the extra ten bucks and told his boss he paid them their full fees. Figured $5 is the most he could get away with, without either of them reporting him to management or just flat out refusing to perform.

JetSetDiva : "Half remembered nightmare though a cracked mirror of regret..." What a line! Oswalt is a national treasure.

Ty Koty : the bartender voice rules.

Meng Hao : Just five dollars? “Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.” Sometimes not so subtle. Okay!?

JoeJoe : And the sad old magician, he's reloading his suitcase, AND THE ONE LEGGED...!

Sarah : I was on board that five dollars was a paltry sum to invoke the wrath of a wizard until he pointed out that's *twenty games of Galaga*. Damn right a festival of hatred and rage is in order!

jcb3393 : "a half-remembered nightmare through a cracked mirror of regret" Wow!

John Smith : Nobody tells a story like Patton, NOBODY. PERIOD.

Old Navy : I do my set: Silence. Boo. Thank You!

T.A. Nehls : "Silence . . . BOO! . . . Thank you!"  Hilarious

Crimson_ Sean : I always lose it at "it's a Tom Waits song come to life."

Taylor Holder : Patton lost his wife and the mother of his 6 year old daughter two days ago. This man doesn't deserve such a horrible thing. Keep this man in your thoughts.

nfinn42 : "It's a Tom Waits song come to life." I died. Patton, you're a genius. Silence, Boo! "Thank you!" ^_^

Ms.Queue : So pissed off you over enunciate? The magician became John Malkovich!

contactkeithstack : you can hear that Tom Waits song so clearly haha that's crazy

Magicofamazer : Makes me laugh because I am a comic magician.  That is how I set up my show

Ian Jones : Great, classic bit...that he ends really well. "'Cause if that's what the fuck this is, I seen it done better. I'm just sayin'."

organs : I have to wonder if the comedian was The Amazing Jonathan…

Jacklight Baptism : This is easily the funniest story I've ever heard.

Kitchdmn3 : "He can't see murder when it's an inch from his face".... I know people like that.

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj178 : His rendition of a Tom Waits song is possibly the funniest thing I ever heard anyone say...

Strider Entertainment : I will always think of Patton as a Koala.

Andrew Cavett : BTW, Richmond Ky. is a college town, so it's not like he was performing fro Deliverance rejects

ralphyetmore : 1 thumbs down will receive a thorny doom from beneath the crust of the Earth "O!!! K!!!!"...

Lars Andersen : "If that's what it is, I've seen it done better" is a punchline on par with "That's the second biggest x I''ve ever seen".

mynameisrandy : One of my favorite stand up stories ever!

Squiggs 【Glitches - ROM Hacks - Speedruns】 : :silence: "Booo!" *Thank you!* Story of my life in four words

Chucky Hagelo : It was The Amazing Jonathan

Aleksander Reese : i hope he's talking about the amazing jonathan

Vinojan Sivajothy : the ending killed , german avant garde bullsit , lesbian in boy cloathing

bird10498 : As a long time comedy magician, I thought this was very funny!

Savannah Mayor : ...because if that's what this is i've seen it done one of the great lines in comedy

The Pinkerton : And the Amzing Johnathan was born

Katalyzt : Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! ★★★★★

allmagicgy : I've been a magician for 40 years now and this is the funniest thing ever....I might have to revamp the act...hilarious!!!!!

Reza Nabavi : I lost it after the bartender part

LifeInPictures : I Luv This Guy ^_^

badkarmabaroo : I'm in tears. Omg that's hilarious.

Michael Shadley : 20 games of Galaga!

Handsome Jonni : 56 comedy magicians have been shorted $5.00 and have no sense of humor about it

teresa tall : This was great. I'm goin' back in..

Max Orbit : Silence. Boo! Thank you!

Spd8s : Wha-hoooooooooow...So funny! Genius.

Skelter : fun fact: Patton is talking about "The Amazing Jonathan" ..look him up.

Derrick G Wood : Any Tom Waits reference is okay by me! Plus, this was HYSTERICAL!!

Sharan Kuttappa : I laughed way to much. If your a magician, or a comedian in the business you will just enjoy this piece 😂

Interlocutor : How is this funny? That's a real question.

tomitstube : "i go out, i do my set, silence, boo, thank you..."

Santino - : You ever notice comedians do best with people on their same intelligence level?

FlowerClown : You should be doing kid's parties