The Machine - Bert Kreischer: THE MACHINE
Bert Kreischer on getting involved in the Russian Mafia

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This is the story about the time I robbed a train in Russia with the Russian Mafia. To get my book "Life of the Party" click HERE: For all TOUR DATE & MERCH click HERE: To Follow me on.. Twitter: Facebook: Instagram: Youtube:


Sephiroth : In America you follow the rules. In Russia the rules follow you.

Syzygy : Bert: Lv1 Crook **says "I am the Machine"** Bert: Lv40 Mob boss

AlexHasNoFace : Next time: how i became the leader of the Russian mafia - without knowing Russian.

Wes R : This is my first time watching this guy and while he's explaining the story its hard to imagine him with a shirt on

Nae O’Connor : This guy belongs in a movie with Seth rogen

Shin Pete : 'Florida man robs self with Russian Mafi'

Okay relatable : So when’s he going back to reunite with the mafia ?

Conrad Schaber : Why would he come back to the USA after this

SOVIET BLOBFISH : He basically got adopted by the Russian mafia.

DespacitoGamer420 : **recently abolished communism intensifies**

Lady Meteor : This is the CORE of what Chaotic Good looks like

Literal_Facts [STAMP] : Teacher: Good morning class, i hope you have done your homework. Me: I didn’t. Teacher: And why is that..? Me: *Because I’m The Machine.*

Blank : Ive watched this so many times I can recite it word for word including the gestures

ATC Yayo : the 7.8k that dissliked that video were on the train the night big igor and THE MACHINE robbed them

rodericklep285 : I walked up to a guy in russia and said I was the machine. I then got jumped for being in the wrong part of town.

Jacobo Silva : The machine became folklor legend from russia since then.

Revin Wolfe : This video is what made me fall in love with Russia 🇷🇺

Matteo Castillo Sensidoni : This is the most Florida shit I’ve ever heard “Florida student joins mafia on field trip”

Aen Kat : That moment it takes *JOINING THE MAFIA* to learn Russian finally-

Aditya Rai : He still has 5 stars in RUSSIA. BABUSHAKA IS STILL SEARCHING TO FEED HIM.

1 : in mother russia mafia teach you language better than school ever can

Alma Brooks : This should be like a simulation on DuoLingo to help you learn Russian. Like, join the Mafia and learn your verbs!

Mikel Mergel : Is anyone gonna talk about how this man learned how to say " I f#ck cats" by accident

Joshua Michlowitz : I just want to hear what happened whenever he got back to Florida. Lol.

Uncle Callum : Man: when i was twenty two i got involved with the russian mafia Audience: 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Senna : According to Google Translate, “I am the Machine” is “Я машина” (Ya mashina) 😂

Ajay Kalpalli : Everyone else: level 10 crooks The Machine: *LEVEL 1000 MAFIA BOSS*

Carl Johnson : One time I was on a tf2 server and it was just me and a russian guy. I screamed extremely broken Russian and he did the same in english.

JT : it took me a solid 3 minutes before I asked myself why this man is shirtless

Complete Randomness : Reads manual: The machine works on vodka.

tinna G : Someone needs to make this a movie!!!

I post super important videos. : ̶T̶h̶a̶t̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶m̶a̶f̶i̶a̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶k̶s̶ thats how russians work

Justin Flores : Why don’t they make a movie out of this

DragonPhantom 13 : Make that a shirt. Just "IM THE MACHINE!" In a curve around a cartoon drawing of you with a bottle of vodka in hand and a cigarette in mouth. I mean, I'd buy it.

Oh Ight : я машина!! (I’m the machine) or ya mashina

joshua carpenter : Not a good student at Florida State? Good thing you're a damn good comedian right? 😜

Originoo Fila : Hi folks! My name is Igor. I live in Moscow. And my grandfather told me a strory about one american named the machine who loved cats!

I_Love_Ziggy 111 : He sounds like Chris Pratt here and their lmao

Sasha : It's videos like this that make me proud to be Russian lmao

DodgerGS #8 : Lvl 1 MACHINE vs level 30 mafia officer

dylanheagle : bert: *breathes* crowd: OMG LOLOLOL THIS GUY IS A RIOT!!!!

Extraterrestrial Meatball : I can not be completely positive that this is not my biological father.

Yee Yee : Я машина и я ебу котов 😂 that’s how russian mafia works

Tech_Shockツ : *when you steal from a bar cart with russian gangsters hooked on fonics style*

The Republic Of Ireland : What is give for that level of fame and respect in Russia

Battleax : Is this a standup routine or a confession booth

jacob borrelli : I’ve watched this so many times

Comrad Kitten : Best YouTube video in history how am I only getting this in 2019

Timothy Hays : I want to party with "THE MACHINE"! Dosvadhanya Bert. Go Noles.