The Machine - Bert Kreischer: THE MACHINE

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Ryan M. : I hope this is true

W0LFG4MER XD : so wait, let me get this straight. this guy took 4 classes of russian, didn't learn anything, joined the mafia, and actually LEARNED RUSSIAN God bless America

Peder Hatlen : I'm just imagining the headlines "Florida man joins the Russian Mafia on a school trip." 😂

Joann n : *And that is how mafia works*

morgan e. : The only way this could get any better is if at some point Igor and his buddies were channel surfing and saw this like "It's the Machine!!"

Julia_aaa : I love when comedians laugh at their own jokes you already know it’s gonna be good

Lord Genasis : We don't need a movie out of this. We need a full blown Netflix series.

Atomic Crown : This video has decided what language class I’m taking in college

Kanye’s LeftLeg : In America government controls mafia In Russia mafia controls government

jose manuel prvncxh trrs : OMFG Just imagine that in real life: "... fuck it, Я МАШИНУ!!!! Fuck it, ОН МАШИНУ!!!!!

Supur Gogetuh : Russia in the 90’s seems so fun.

BenThirty Productions : Lvl 1 crook gets mafia money and turns to a level 100 boss

FYEG : Why is this guy naked first of all lol

nugget bon quwee quwee : so this guy took Russian learned nothing joined the mafia and somehow learned Russian THATS HOW MAFIA WORKS

Majestic Doge : That's how mafia work

Midnight Thoughts : Ra ra Rasputin Russia's greatest love machine The song was playing in my head as I watched this

Laura Maria : This is the best fucking story I've ever heard in my life.

GamerZapZack : Has someone animated this yet? And if so, WHERE?!

Antonio Longoria : he went from, lvl 1 crook to lvl 99 Boss

Ekaterina Chesnokova : Another Russian here. I can confirm that this story sounds very realistic, and it makes me sad. I was about ten years old at this time he talks about, so I didn't completely understand the scale of anarchy and horror in the country. Now I'm an adult, and what I know about this time makes my hair stand on end, and I still don't know very much about it (and don't really want to learn). Russia became much better since 90s, I promise. We still have many problems, but I actually like Russia now. If I trick myself to imagine that this guy talks about some unspecified foreign country, I even can understand why it's funny. But I feel too bitter about my home country to laugh =(

Mycel : great story, but I bet that wasn't half as fun for russians.  imagine being that train conductor, sucking up to the thugs of the new oligarchic government, even sucking up to their pet american frat boy, and they still rob your train!

Sir Francis of the filth : This video has been in my recommended for 4 months straight I guess... ..That's how mafia works

MegaCoin : I’ve seen some quality mid night videos but this is by far the best one to watch at 2:30 in the morning while being sick on a Friday. Thank you for your service Machine.

loli tiddies : because thats how the mafia works

Wade : Now that's a proud man.

Industrial Blue : ✩o#👠

Midnight Kisses : I wanna join the mafia now.

Bernardo Marques : Why is post malone making comedy

PsychoNoMono : This man needs to educate us on Russia’s language.

Dlovan : This is a whole movie!

Dustin Is Driving : This joke is so funny. I just finished the new Netflix show “secreted time” it was epic. Keep doing what ya do man.

;-; ASMR : That's how to learn a language

Michael Bruck : As a fan of good comedy old and new.. The National Lampoon series is fantastic. The original Lampoon being animal house. I digress. If you think this is funny, watch "National Lampoon's Van Wilder". Ryan Reynolds plays a seventh year senior where his characters antics are based on Kreischers time in college. Its perfect

TheGreenPianist : Somebody make a movie of this asap!

Cody Harper : "🌟⭕#👟"

Sal Fishman : This story needs to be made into a movie.

Spartan BlastBurn : I can not be completely positive that this is not my biological father.

Kolos : I am from Ukraine. This comedian portrays Russians as this strong, fearless, interesting people. And everybody laughs and have a great time. Now, you wouldn't believe how media all over the Russian internet portrays Americans, everywhere, in all websites government can reach, which is a bigger half of all of them. They call Americans "Пиндос" (Pindos), which implies that they are stupid and disgusting, and not even in comedic way, in angry condescending way. And this is not just here and there, it is very consistent reoccurring theme in Russian forums and entertainment websites. I know this very well, because everybody in Ukraine speaks perfect Russian. I don't know what to take from it, but that's the truth. Americans have this strong, even respectful image of average Russian, and Russians (not all of them) spits at Americans.

Fin Berry : i want this to be true so badly

Robot Fobot : “I got involved with the Russian mafia.” *Everyone cheers.*

Mollypop713 : Man, I didn't even notice he was shirtless until i was scrolling through the comments

Casey Todd : Just got 4th row tickets to your 9:30 show in Austin on February 22nd and cannot wait to see you live, Bert!! Genuinely hoping to run into you on 6th street after the show. Genuinely...

jacob borrelli : I’ve watched this so many times

Justin Flores : Why don’t they make a movie out of this

JoeTheRecruit : lvl 1: Crook

Dub Highlights : id redirect all the hate energy Trump is getting from citizens towards myself just for this guy to put a shirt on

young mafia : He went from level one crook to level 100 mafia boss

Pro Hanzo Main 76 : CSGO players please rise for the national anthem

Zachary McNelley : Easily one of the best stand ups of all time.

Jon Thorn : This has got to become a movie starring Seth Rogen