How do you help a grieving friend?

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Lili Marlene : So right. I lost my husband recently. Didn’t even want people to know because it’s so hard to deal with the “brightsiders.” My best friend just sits with me and lets me cry....no advice, no cheery suggestions...just an arm around the shoulder, boxes of Kleenex, an an occasional ‘I love you.’

Miao Yu : I believe that when someone tries to cheer up or give advice to a grieving friend, he or she is really trying to get the friend to stop making him or her uncomfortable. It's well-meaning, but selfish. Acknowledging grief and wading into it is difficult and uncomfortable, so we tend to avoid doing so. Also, I've noticed that if a grieving friend doesn't respond in the expected way to these attempts to fix them, the other person tends to get upset at him or her, saying demeaning crap like, "why can't you just get over it already?".

Katherine Nelson : Thank you for this. I lost my oldest son not quite four months ago to a motorcycle accident. He was 26. Everyone reached out to me for the first couple weeks, then just disappeared. People I hadn't heard from for years were all of a sudden there, then gone. It truly made me feel like everyone just wanted to be a part of the tragedy, until THEY felt like it wasn't tragic anymore. My daughter and I talk about him and the accident often, the good and the bad, but I sometimes wonder if anyone else truly gets it. I want to scream to people that just because he died, doesn't mean he never existed. And while I know this is something I will never get over, only get through, it would be nice to have others acknowledge that, even though it's been "this long", for a part of me, it will always be "Thursday".

Ekew : I think the hardest thing is finding that person who will want to consistently acknowledge your grief. For most, they will do it once if that and then you never hear from them again because they expected you to be done grieving right away. The reality is it only becomes worse because no one wanted to support you in your grief and now you feel isolated on top of grieving (if that makes sense) they were all keen to move on with their lives because loss has not impacted their lives and they will pretend like nothing happened but you don't have that option. At least this was my experience, my father died when I was 15 and my mother died when I was 28, it set a pretty upsetting view of the people in my life (including family).

Pawter Panda : Thank you for this. I recently lost both of my parents and when people tell me "At least you have memories of them" it only makes it worse because I don't want them to just be memories I want them to still be here and I can't have that.

Lynn Oatman : Thank you so much for this. I know people mean the best, but so often they don't understand, that fixing it isn't what is needed. Thank you thank you thank you.

αииιкα 549 : I might be a suicidal person, but this one friend of mine got her mother died because of cancer a few weeks ago. I know no one would care for me if I die... but I will still do the right thing. I hope this helps her.

The Journey : The acknowledgement thing is so true. My daughter was stillborn last year, and so many people came to her funeral, but so few people actually spoke to me about her. I actually had someone tell me 6-9 months after she died, that she didn't want to say something to me because she didn't want to upset me. I guess I can understand where she was coming from. But so many people didn't even acknowledge my daughter's existence. No one asked what happened (I guess they thought it was too personal). So, I felt so incredibly alone. Still do, truth be told. Most people didn't try to cheer me up, they just didn't acknowledge that anything had happened at all. You never know how to deal with something like this unless you've gone through it. But I believe it's a topic that needs to be talked about.

frank iero's son : i really really hate it when people try to make things better by saying "its gonna be ok" or "itll get better" even though i know theyre trying and i appreciate that

Becky Livingston : Bravo. I love this message "It makes things feel better even thought they can't be made right"

Alice G : Thank you for this video. All of this is so very true. I recently lost my mom and I do not know if I will ever stop grieving, there is a big part of me gone. Ths is very good advice. Thank you

Kathleen Lee : Thank you Megan, I'm in tears as I write this. I lost my soul child Nicholas 3 years and 3 months ago today due to an undiagnosed AVM which led to a massive cerebral hemorrhage. I found him on the floor. It feels like it was yesterday. I'm glad you wrote your book. I am reading it. You get it. Nobody in my world does. Love to you.

Beautiful Dreamer : This is a brilliant video.

UrbanLegend526 : This video would’ve helped me explain myself when I was going through a bad/traumatic time even though it wasn’t a loss or death.

Cynthia Macho : Yes !!! Well explained !!

A. Ambrose : This is very beautiful. Thank you for making this, it made me understand my own grief a bit better.

Allison P : Beautiful Megan, just beautiful.

Rebecca Putman : This is so very spot on. Thank you!

Ogyen Gyatso : Thank you for this, it’s so genuine. I had a stray puppy who I got so attached to and really loved like my own child, but I was at fault for when he prematurely died. My “best friend” tried to console me on two or three occasions but by the fourth time he told me to get over it. Took me a long time to figure things out and that he was only looking out for himself, and that I was losing more by following people like that. I don’t think I’ll ever get over my dog’s death, but I have definitely grown up immensely since then. Appreciate every second with your loved ones because you never know when they will be snatched away.

Pamela Roberts : I think this is true in many situations. People just want to feel validated. No matter if it is grief or anger or frustration, etc. Just letting them know that you acknowledge that they feel this way can help the situation. It can calm them down sometimes to get them to be more responsive to positive thoughts and behaviors.

Roberta Purves : This is very good advice. I lost my 20 year old son. I did not want to be talked out of my pain. I wanted to be left alone. But, had someone said; I'm sorry your hurting do you want to talk about it?" Or a friend or family member to just be there put your hand on my shoulder and just be there. No words. Sometimes when people are grieving they just need lots of time let them sleep let them cry let them grieve. Encourage them to join a support group asap. It saved my life. I joined GriefShare and became a facilitator. God blesses all tears. God bless all that are hurting.

penmart127 : My youngest daughter, Heather died June 4, 2017. Some....not all people just don't get the fact that I will NEVER BE THE PERSON I WAS BEFORE....i have found that I gravitate to the people who just let me cry or talk or heck...they cry with me...

S G : Thank you for this. My father died at 87, nearly 6 years ago, during a short stay in hospital - I was at home in England. My mother died last October 2017 in her own bed in Portugal at the age of 94 - sis and I were privileged to be with her when she died. The year had been traumatic for all of us and sis and I had taken turns going out to Portugal to care for her. The pain is still strong and I still cry and, yes, people who haven't been through it don't get it. I don't want to hear about a "good innings". Damn, they were my parents and I still think "I must tell them.....when we speak next". The pain changes for me, but doesn't go away.

Pradip Malakar : Thanks for sharing this amazing video. It's so simple. Just be there with your pain and let it becomes fertilizer to your garden on life. This same pain then helps blossom beautiful fragrant flowers of love and compassion... I know what it meant and I deeply practice it on self and others.

Abi Runner4life : So true.. you want to leave people alone when they are grieving... I lost my dad 10 years ago, and all my friends tried to cheer me up. It didn’t work. Don’t take away the pain it will help you a lot.. I am a very sensitive and emotional person and cry pretty much everyday.. I was diagnosed with bad depression.. all my friends are trying to make me smile but never works.. you just have to let the grief take its own path

Abigail Obenchain : This is just amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

star star draws : I'm struggling with grief and my friends said they would help and I sent then this

Sinead Murty : I have a friend whose parent just died. its their birthday too the day after. thanks for this

kumuda dv : Absolutely right, I see people around want to bring us soon back to normal and think that's the way to console us. No, please. All we need is listening ears n touching hands, to keep our grief open exposed as much we want. It's a lesson and everyone should follow.

Tamera Lewis : This is so important! People who try to cheer up people who are grieving are abusive. Jesus said, "Weep with those who weep." because it works.

Love Superbeasto : Amen sister 💙💚💛🧡💜

James Nelson : Beautiful video xx

Legend of a Reverse Cowgirl : Is this grieving in general or personal grief...

Chlothemonkey : Thank you for this video, my best friend recently lost her friend and I didn’t know how to help her. Megan, this is amazing... thank you so so much.

Laura Anniebelle Berdette : Hello, I would like to share this video with my class during a presentation at school. I am in a registered nursing program and my topic is Interrupted Family Processes, Grief and Loss. Would that be alright? It's a great video :) Thank you

Frances Evelyn Rogers : Thank you

Gevian Dargan : Thank you. This really helps a lot. I have been struggling with how to be there for people who are grieving and dealing with loss of many kinds. I will definitely give this a try.

Di Deeva : Yes... This is very accurate.

Jassmen Robinson : Thank you for your video.

elona : the cultural training we get to look on the bright side is SO FREAKING STRONG!!!

Claudia Nehrkorn : My daughter and I love this. Thank you so much. Being heard, being witnessed really helps.

Trashboi Ty 原始の : You grieve along.

Taryn Bell : How do I give this 10 thumbs up? Excellent and full of truth!

Antonella Tsakmakis : Thank you Your words are so beautiful and true

JasonMcGarva : Wow, what a beautiful video and message. Thank you for making this.

Amy Crystal : True and helpful.

Macalin Booth : This is amazing, thank you so much.

M M : l lost a baby at Christmas time and l am now estranged from my other children and the pain never goes away, l just have learned to cope

ZeluZ Gaming : WOW>>you are a good animator..why aren,t you getting views?I would try my best to promote you

Stephanie VanderMeulen : This is so, so good. And true. Each phrase is very powerful and bang on. Thank you for this.