Why Surprise Proposal Videos Are the Worst | Internetting Season 2

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ANTIQUEFOTOS : They don't make me cry, they make me want to puke. If a man humiliated me like that, the relationship would end right there just like in the "proposals gone bad" videos

R Garlin : Couldn't agree with you more here, Amanda. Alas!

Nituraa : I think by proposing in public you kinda coerce the other person into saying yes to avoid embarrassment. Because the crowd reacts badly when they say no, I’m never going to forget watching one live on the graham norton show and the woman said no, everyone booed and I was like? Now it makes her look bad.

kimberly s : Proposals should be an intimate, private thing... I'm sure these guys sometimes mean well but... don't put a woman on the spot. like that.

milkwaves 310 : I hate proposal videos because I NEVER. EVER. in my entire life. Want to be proposed like that. My goodness, that is the most awful thing I could think of from someone with social anxiety. I want a proposal between me, the person I'm dating, and that's it. I've dealt with not being able to say no to people because I was in public with other people and the expected answer was yes. So yeah, please don't propose to me like that. :)

Pippa219 : I like it when the woman turns the man down in the big elaborate proposals. Serves him right for humiliating her like that and not talking to her about it in private first.

Chuibby93 : I like this cynical view you have of these videos. Social media is now used to show off someone's ego rather than genuinely care about a topic

mister x : If you want a guilty pleasure, watch the suprise proposal videos where the girl says no.

I Really Care Don't U : "Soldiers coming home to dogs" videos aren't patriotic, they're sad. I just think of how long they were apart and how much they missed each other. If anything, it should be anti-war propoganda. "End the war and bring these soldiers home to their dogs."

Music Is Life : If a proposal is planned enough to have bought a ring, let alone planned some sort of extravagant spectacle, it really should be planned enough that the couple have discussed and are on the same page about wanting to get married, being ready to be engaged, and what they're comfortable and hoping for in a proposal. The person being proposed to doesn't necessarily need to know all the details of when, where, and how the proposal is happening if they're happy not knowing, some people like a certain amount of surprise, but they should be aware that it's probably go to happen soonish and they should have discussed the subject enough to be on the same page about how private vs public, dramatic or low key, etc the couple want to be.

Paige Young : I thought I was the only one who hated stuff like this! Thank you for making this video.

Potaet incroyable : More than coercive, I think that those proposal videos are more of a narcissistic thing: "oh look how cool it is when my girlfriend and I decide to bond together in perfect everlasting love in a picture perfect ceremony with the Rockettes dancing in the background." Post it all over Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and YouTube and hope it goes viral. Follow me on all those social platforms too btw

Contortionist 04 : I actually do hate the one where she said it was like the woman was getting arrested and had to agree to marriage. That is a forced marriage! Seriously? Otherwise I like surprise proposals.

Clara Martens Ávila : I have a friend who was proposed to a few weeks before her high school finals (she had repeated a few years, but still) at a wedding where both their families and friends where present. She said yes, but I heard she said later that while she did want to marry him she didn't see that as the right time, but with everyone there there had been no opportunity to say no

all things fascinating : Guys, once again great reporting of the dark side of human behavior that might seemingly seem "good". You guys have a great radar on detecting "bad" content , which when watched too much can make one feel bloated: it's a sick feeling. David Foster Wallace spoke about it. Btw, I'm still waiting for the video in which you tell us about the psychology behind disgusting pimple popping videos.

HexInfinity : Manufactured emotional porn as a means to control people: so delightful!

Val Joy : For some of those proposals they have already talked about, and agreed on, marriage and she’s waiting for that big proposal that will make her feel special. Some women love surprises like that, they want to feel that shock and awe (and aw) that he would go to such great lengths to make her feel what the people watching the video end up getting to feel. I just wanted to add that to the points you’re making.

Amanda Santiago : I absolutely loved the video. A proposal is something between 2 people. An audience is not necessary for the moment to be special. And with the internet, more and more events that should be private are blasted out to the world, and things that meant something's not have their meaning warped to mean something else. It's not the happiness of seeing someone you love return, or have someone you love agree to be with you that matters anymore. Its how many likes and comments can you get from that something you keep you in an artificial high. IDK, I just think something should be kept private. Excelent video, really.

lucy lu : Absolutely! Why should a proposal be this huge thing where you pay hundreds to scare the crap out of the love of your life in the hopes of getting on Ellen? My parents met at a club, literally dated for 5 months, my dad's proposal was "we should get married if you wanna move with me" (he had a job that required him to move around), they got married at a courthouse and now they've been married for 15 years with 4 kids. I haven't even thought of them getting divorce since. You don't need to date for 6 years, have a huge, elaborate proposal and wedding to be happy

everberry51 : Gender reveal parties/videos are reactionary and cringeworthy.

Adam MacLean : I have been thinking the same thing!! But now you know what I now DO LOVE?! Proposal rejection videos!! The (often) women saying, “ummmmm, no” looks soooooo empowering. You should never propose unless you’ve already had the conversation, right?! Exactly like you say, doing it publicly without advance notice is coercion. Cheers to the ladies who were strong enough to say no because, c’mon guys!!!!!!!

Erwin Murry : Yo! Military brat here! I cant say i feel patriotic bliss when i watch homecoming videos. but i relieve the relief of seeing my father come home and it being for just me and my family. I would prefer that be a non published video. I am confused why non military people watch them though. Its sweet if it happens and filming it is nice, but what of the children who just go pick him up a 10:00 pm on a school night? Thats what my father’s homecoming was like for me.

Soprie : Spectacle. It turns a relationship into a public spectacle, and the average passerby or viewers wants and expects a "yes" with z happy ending. Proposals used to be private affairs, but now are performances in an image-conscious attention economy. If you're going to go for spectacle, at the very least, have the discussion with your significant other first.

readergrl56 : A public proposal can be really sweet...if it's 1) personalized and 2) not the first time the idea of proposing has been discussed between the couple. Obviously YouTube & social media has bloated this practice, but proposing in a (public) restaurant was not uncommon in the past. My dad proposed to my mom in a restaurant (this is mid-80s), but he discussed it with her *privately* beforehand. It was along the lines of "hey, what's your opinion on us getting married someday," but she was able to provide a definite answer before he did the whole nice dinner, flowers, getting down on one knee shindig. I get that a lot of people might want to invove family & friends in the actual proposal (maybe to take photos), but a lot of these VERY public/gimmicky proposals seem to be more about showboating than getting an actual answer. At least give the recipient a hint by subtly asking about ring designs or (better) get their friends/family to make sure that person would be ok with being proposed to and being proposed to in public.

What the Japanese are Talking about This Week : I can’t agree with you more. I hate those proposal videos but I guess it’s about people wanting strangers to celebrate for them as well

samer samer : no i don't watch them to feel patriotic , I'm not even American , am Arab . i watch them cuz they show nice humanitarian side and they are sweet and portrays kindness .

Em Cameron : From the small window into the making of a proposal I've had through my family & friends who've become engaged, it seems like a lot of proposals these days are just the final splashy cherry on the sundae of an ongoing conversation the couple's had before the big moment. (My best friend actually assumed that he & his now-husband were already engaged after they'd discussed it & agreed that getting married was a good idea, & was therefore truly surprised when he came home to a fancy staged proposal one evening.) So even though I'm not somebody who ever wants a big splashy proposal myself, I can enjoy a well-done 'surprise' proposal if it's one where the other partner is visibly on board with the whole thing, & it seems like they probably at some point had the 'okay, we're on the same page here, ball's in your court to pop the q' convo. I do kind of hope the whole proposal thing evolves to the point where once one person proposes, the other person isn't just expected to say 'yes' on the spot, but has to plan a counter-proposal of equal splashiness (or unsplashiness) before it's official. That way you can keep the fun element of surprise (or whatever suits the people involved), but it's more egalitarian & not so coercive.

LuTHieN : Agree 💯....people tend to share EVERYTHING these days publicly to show off. It’s cringyyyyy...what happened to some privacy and experiencing some personal moments? It’s also kinda of a peer pressure for the proposee; what if they say no? Embarrassment for the guy and awkwardness for the girl. Like u HAVE to say yes cause everyone is waiting. Personally never wanna be proposed to like that

Darren Laberee : I am so relieved I am not the only one who dislikes surprise proposals. One sour note is I love the ones where she says no, good for her

Jack Crowley : Honestly, I'm ok with it only if both parties know what's going on beforehand. Dramatic reveals can be fun if both people invovled have discussed and consented to the public reveal, a dramatic, fun "surprise, we're getting married!" that both people know about, so no one is getting blindsided in a way that can hurt or embarrass them.

Taylor O'Rourke : I hate public proposals (prom, marriage, whatever) in general. It’s just too much pressure on the person being asked and to say no (even if that’s the best decision) makes that person seem bad. It almost takes the choice away from the person being asked because of the backlash they could receive for declining.

SupremeChickenx : Hi please make a video on Ryan Gosling - he is so boring to watch

Nick C : I hate them, too, Amanda.

Victor Jerome : I hate proposal videos! What a POS! I have never screamed in my life. I will leave it there, almost there. Please don't come up behind me to try to frighten me. You will not like the results, no one ever does.

13orrax : if you this happens to you you should be allowed to say yes to save face and then say no later when no one is looking

Nicole Gruter : For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what a proposal video meant until I hit play. I thought it had something to do with a project proposal - hahahaha!! #notmarriagematerial

Alexa : To each their own I guess. Interesting perspective but these videos make life more fun and help us understand feelings others have experienced.

alessandramacedo18 : I feel most couples have discussed getting married before the proposal. These man know theis girlfriends are going to say yes, because they probably talked about it before. If that's the case, I think those big proposals are alright. It wouldn't be alright if the man wasn't sure that's what the woman wants.

Piyush Panigrahi : I hope NYT did not fire any real journalist to make way for these creators.

Lesbian Amazon Sister : I just don't watch them. I'd never do that to a woman I love. Edit: idk who that woman is who smacked the guy with the guitar, but she's amazing!

Alexandra Lim : same. i think it takes the intimacy off the moment, although i appreciate the sentiment.

Eden Grey : Wow there are some really bitter sounding folks in the comments. No, a wedding proposal doesn’t have to be private it can and should be whatever the couple wants since it’s their proposal and their wedding. Not all of these viral proposals are even public they were just recorded and uploaded in which case I’ll make the wild guess that the women agreed to them being posted. Nevertheless even the public ones can be very sweet and cute! I feel like only a grinch would look to criticize them. If you don’t want a public proposal and you plan on getting married someday tell your partner but don’t act like everybody else must hate it or have the same feelings you have about it. Lastly I don’t know why so many people are acting like couples don’t talk about marriage or their future before a proposal. We don’t know the full scope of these particular couples’ relationships in these videos but most couples do talk marriage long before a proposal I mean only the actual proposal is the surprise not the idea of ever getting married. Maybe I’m weird but I don’t actually know any couple engaged or married who didn’t talk about marriage before they got engaged, if anything it was expected based on the seriousness and longevity of the relationship they just didn’t know when the actual proposal was coming.

CHEEJOEKAY : I hope the salt in this video was iodized

Lucas Moro : "Emotional Surprise Porn". Too far. I already feel guilty enough watching these. Now i feel guilty and dirty.

Benjamin Leow : Agree with all your points. But still, PARTY POOPER!!!

all things fascinating : Yusss! Do more videos please

Pepper Wesley : While I do admit that the proposals and promposals are very cringe inducing, I really think that she’s reading too much into them. We watch the surprise videos because it makes us feel good when other people are happy. The same way one feels when you send someone a surprise gift.

James Ransom : I hate people who are miserable and cynical.

melloe : Haha omg I need to watch some of these failed surprise proposals

Fred Miller : I think this was a very silly subject that this journalist decided to cover and she probably only recently discovered these videos due to random suggestions by YouTube's algorithm, got hooked on to these but in the end felt that her own views didn't conform to idea these videos portrayed and since she has access to a wide audience, decided to do something about it and ended up making a video. It's silly really as everyone knows these videos can be very dramatic and fake even but nobody decides to do anything as there isn't anything to be done. I hate that sometimes journalists cover a story for the sake of covering; in this case making video for the sake of making one. I'm sure there's a lot of other stuff that could be deemed fit to cover but I would hate it if someone decides to take on a subject just because it triggered or brushed them the wrong way somehow. I think its a lame attempt to show the audience that the journalist is well aware of the current culture scene that includes silly YouTube videos and if that was the intention then the point is duly noted. But please stop making videos about stuff that's silly and frankly only for entertainment purposes for a lot of folks out there.