Overcoming Addiction, Grief, Touring with Marilyn Manson, & Getting Expelled From School: Meet Jason

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Philly D : Hope you enjoy!

thatgeekdad : Yo! Jason isn’t an onion with layers, dude is a whole damn field of them. I love this interview.

Warm-Core Cyclones : You never know what people's stories are until you hear them speak. Thank you for making this video, always thought Jason was an awesome dude but I had no idea the shit he had to go through. Incredibly story

CM Coleman Home: recipes and lifestyle : I am sitting here crying my eyes out over a video. Nothing that I have ever seen on YouTube has touched me this much. I hated this change, and I still am not sure I like it but I have never been happier that you did it. This was really good. Jason, right now I am telling everyone I know that I love them. Just know that this video has changed one person's life.

Phisuals : this video so interesting to listen to, I'd love to see more content like this. You're an inspiration Jason

basenatic : I live 15 minutes from where Jason grew up and when he was talking about getting expelled my first thought was "Is this the kid from Timbercreek?" I'd heard of the story and laughed about it. Small world, amazing story

Ana Roque : This is so phenomenal. An emotional rollercoaster.

Asa Kelley : I liked Jason before but now I love him. It takes so much tell your own story. Thank you.

Dr. Isaac : My heart goes out to Jason. I always liked the vibe he exuded just working at the office, and I love his work. Now that I know his story, I just feel for him. I love his sarcasm and his willingness to make controversial things, and he honestly has such a big heart. Thanks, Jason, for opening up about your experiences! It takes a lot of guts, and I aspire to work as hard as you do, working on the things you love.

Night Stick : Just wanted to thank you guys, and Jason in particular, for talking about suicide and depression. When I was back in highschool, there was a girl in the small town I lived in who went to the same school as me, she lived four houses down from me on the left side, a two story house with a brown vertical wooden plank exterior and a big back yard, a beautiful garden that was filled with the most vibrant pinks, yellows, and oranges in the spring - and a beautiful redish orange in the fall, like the colour of the leaves. We'd known each other since I moved there with my family when I was six, and I was totally and completely in love with her. I was a wickedly shy kid, I could barely even speak to my own grandparents who lived in the same small town and whom I saw at least once a month, so I couldn't ever find the courage to tell her I loved her, but thankfully she wasn't very shy and always asked me to play. I was six, and she was eight, we played constantly, from the morning till it got dark, we'd always explore the nearby park, which had a creek running through it that dried to just the tiniest trickle of water in the late spring through till mid fall when it filled up. Early winter it always flooded out of the park and onto the street that ran by it, usually filling it with half a foot or so of water on one side of the road! We enjoyed walking through the forest and following the creek for hours, or playing on the playground at the park with a bunch of other kids from the neighbourhood - there were nine of us, including me. I spent my time like that, hanging out with her, her older brother, and the other kids playing every day at the park or running around playing tag or cops and robbers. Life was amazing! Years passed, I fell more and more in love with that girl, and the next thing I knew I was one of the evil teenagers all us kids used to talk about, as if they were the big bad wold or something - and I was going into grade 8. School was easy, I started seeing a little less of that girl I loved so dearly, she was in higher grades and had to work on school more and I also had some homework, but everything was still fun and all the kids from the neighbourhood, except a couple who had moved, still played in the park. The year passed, grade nine came around, and the months passed. April 12th I walked into school and went to a place under the outside stairs that led to the second floor of the school, it was where me and her met every morning before school to talk and work on school, I loved math and was two grades ahead of myself in it while she was a grade behind in it, so I always helped explain it to her, I didn't see her when I arrived, though, so I waited. The school bell rang, and I had to run off to my class, confused because she never missed a day of school. We had morning class, it was math for me, we were covering some stuff on exponents that she'd just asked me about earlier in the week, so I made sure to take extra detailed notes so I could copy them and give them to her. At our school we had a morning class, then we had homeroom where we checked in with our assigned teacher and got school news and announcements, then we had a second morning class, then lunch, and finally two afternoon classes. Math ended, I went to homeroom, hoping I'd run into her in the hallways, but I didn't, my homeroom teacher looked a little sad as did lots of staff and some students around the school, and I remember wondering why everyone looked like someone had died. The homeroom teacher got into it right away, He started with a really heavy tone and told us that yesterday, April 11th, late at night that girl, the one I loved so dearly, had taken her own life. I found out later that she hung herself from her bedroom fan with music playing loudly and her brother found her when he went to go tell her to turn the music down. My world shattered, I got up and stumbled out of the room, my homeroom teacher asked me something, but I still don't know what. I ran from that school all the way to her house and banged on their door till my fists hurt, and her mom answered. I managed to stammer out "It's a lie" before bursting into tears. We both cried for a few hours when she told me it wasn't. The girl I loved was being bullied badly in school, so badly she couldn't keep going and took her own life, and I didn't even notice it, not for a second. I didn't know she was even a little bit sad, not to mention so depressed she was contemplating suicide. Her loss killed me for years. I'm still haunted by it. Suicide is the worst because there's always so many what-ifs. What if I'd been man enough to grow a fucking pair and tell her I loved her more than anything in this world. What if I hadn't been so fucking blind and selfish and paid attention to her a little more, could I have seen the signs and done something? I beat myself up for years, I could barely get out of bed for years because of grief and depression. June 24th was, and still is, the hardest day of the year as it's her birthday. When I was 17, on June 24th I locked myself in my room and spent the whole day sad as hell beating myself up, it'd been a pretty bad week so it was particularly hard, I'd had an argument with my parents about seeing a councilor too, I remember staying up late into the night thinking about how easy it'd be to stop feeling so sad and depressed all the time, how easy it'd be to end a life. I'd thought about it before, but I never seriously considered it seeing how much pain it'd brought me, but I was just fed up with drowning in sorrow and guilt. I'd just recently started playing a new videogame, it was a text-only story game with some porn scenes described in it about a guy and a depressed girl who's older sister had been hit by a drunk driver while they were playing at a park after the older sister went to get ice cream. I decided to play some because I didn't want to sleep and be greeted with the same old nightmares. In the game, the girl was upset and depressed because her sister had died, and couldn't move on, so the guy took her to her sister's grave and said flat out: *"I know you miss her and want to see her, so if you really want to go see her, I'll help you. But, do you think she'd be happy to see you if you went and saw her now? Do you think she'd want to see you, or would she be sad? What would you talk about if you saw her now; how sad you've been, how time froze and you couldn't get past it so you gave up and decided to join her? Or will you keep living, even though it hurts, and move on with your life so when you see her you can tell her all the incredible adventures you've had, all the sights you've seen, and everything you've experienced. Live for her, experience the things she never could, see the sights she couldn't, and when you've lived a full life and you're old and tired you can go see her with a whole life full of stories and memories to share and talk about. Be happy, laugh, love, and live on in honour of her memory."* I fell asleep crying like a little baby, and woke up feeling better than I'd felt since I lost the love of my life, I didn't have a nightmare about her after that, and that was the end of me wallowing in my sorrow. I vowed to live a full life so I could have a beautiful story to tell her when I got to see her again. I agreed to talk to that councilor my parents and I were fighting about previously, and I got my shit together so I could live an interesting life. It's been a rollercoaster, with some incredible highs, and some lows worse than losing her, but I'm married now, and though the pain of losing her hasn't gone away, I'm surrounded by amazing people that help me, even when I can't see I need it. Through everything, I can say talking to someone is the hardest thing in the damn world. It takes more than you can possibly understand to show your wounds and bare your heart, taking down those dams you built to stop yourself from drowning in an insurmountable sea of emotion is terrifying. You convince yourself you don't need to, or it won't help, or you'll just suck it up and be a man; you don't have to *need* something to do it, I don't need to eat chocolate but I damn well want to, it *will* help - I know you'll make a thousand reasons why it won't but that's fear talking it will help, and being an actual man is having the courage and strength to admit you need help and seek it - denying that you need help and trying to 'suck it up' is running away and will only prolong the pain. It doesn't go away, it never will. I don't think any amount of counseling, or anything else, will ever make it 'go away' but you do learn to live with it. Tell the people you love that you love them, be they family, friends, or someone you hope will be more than a friend. It's hard to say 'I love you" to someone, I know, it feels so damn scary, but it's *IMPOSSIBLE* to tell someone who's not here anymore that you love them. To the people who are hurting so badly they can't see a way out, who think everything is hopeless and that killing yourself is the only way out; please remember there's a nerdy little boy/girl with pasty ass skin, crooked teeth, and glasses that loves you more than you can possibly imagine, who just can't get the words out, that will be devastated beyond belief, who will cry a damn ocean, if you leave him/her behind. Talk to someone, call 1-800-273-8255, visit one of the million online help places, *seek help, there are a million people who are desperate to give it.* I know it feels hopeless, I know it feels like the biggest thing in the world, an insurmountable mountain whose peak touches the stars, but be strong, keep fighting on, and get the help you deserve. I guarantee that right now, even if you don't know it and it doesn't feel like it, *you make someone's world a bright and wondrous place, full of indescribable happiness, simply by existing.*

TEAM TERYX : This brought out some emotions I wasn't expecting today at work.  My dad passed away a in 2016 and it made me think of things I hadn't in awhile.  This was real.  Thanks.  Keep it coming!

Reece Shaw : Lost my mom 2 months ago. Today's her birthday. This hit hard and well. Cheers Jason, I hope you can achieve all the things that you desire. You seem like a strong, incredibly resilient dude. Much love.

Zack Houff : I feel sorry for the next person to do an in depth interview after these first two. Good luck! Hahh

TurtleKing777 : It genuinely amazes me how good of an interviewer Joe is. Maybe it’s because he plays up this goofy class clown but he is deeply profound in his interview skills and making it seem so flawless. Cool as fuck Joe these are always gripping.

Soleil Crawford : Here I thought I couldnt love Jason more.

lovethedancingflames : What you said about knowing someone’s going to die and spending time with them hit me hard. Last year my mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer 3 days before I moved into school for my senior year. I only wanted to spend time with her because we didn’t know how long she would make it. She was diagnosed at the end of August and we didn’t think she would make it to Christmas because of how sick she was in the beginning. She’s a fighter, and is still with us now and is doing really good, but it still is so hard to go to school so far away from her when I could be spending time with her.

Inuar : I am halfway through the video and had to stop because i am honestly crying so much. I tried to end my life recently and thankfully failed at it. Watching someone who has suffer a loss because of suicide breaks me and makes me feel so much more guilt over what i did. No one in my family knows. Only my husband who was the one who basically saved me. I haven't told my mom or sisters and don't plan on it. This is so painful and so hard to watch. You're a strong dude and i admire you even more now. Jason I am so so sorry you had to go through all that shit but i am also so glad we get to meet you and know your story through this medium. Much love to you dude.

Nicholas Caruthers : Words can't describe this video or Jason's story. Closest thing? Powerful. Moving. Genuine. You are a great person Jason.

draakonikihv : Is there a hug delivery service?

Sergio The One : Thank you Jason for sharing your story. I legit cried watching it. If anything, it shows that you can overcome things if you just don't quit. I'm glad to see you doing well!

Moonster Girl : The contrast between the cold reality and the warm background

mkohlhorst : Dude's got more strength of character than I do. To go through so much and not end up curled in the fetal position is a testament to the fortitude of character I wish I had. My hat is off to you Jason.

Katia Valenzuela : This was beautiful, thank you Jason for being so vulnerable, it is really brave and commendable of you. However heart wrenching life can be sometimes, you’re right in saying that we go on. I’m going through the “tough times” now and your words inspire me to know that things will get better 🙂 Thanks again and kick ass with the music!

Luis_The_Greeaat : I just want to give him a big hug, through out this whole video I had this huge lump in my throat and tears on the edge of my face ...

nedra pickens : This is the most amazing video that you guys have ever done!! This video is so important and I hope everyone watches it.

Luke Kunka : First time I saw him on the BTS vlogs, I knew there was something about him. He's best friend material, for sure.

Caleb Twombly : I absolutely LOVED this. I hope you end up doing one for every single person in the office. I feel like I "know" these people through the vlogs but with these interviews you realize how much depth there really is to every single one of us. This is fuckin' beautiful guys. Keep it up!!

Andrew Pani : I ran out of tissues and just ran to give my kids a hug and then called my dad. Jason you made me a little less jaded. Thank you.

Alexandra Lotze : Wow!!!! Jason is one amazing dude who has has seen a lot in his young life.

sadjst : best 38 minutes i've spent in a long time

Mike Poulsen : My dad passed away almost 2 months ago. And I can not agree more strongly with what Jason said in this video. I could see that his health was deteriorating over the last 2-3 years and 2 months before he died he was diagnosed with a terminal heart condtion. So I made sure to visit him every day and I helped him with everything I could, get him into his wheel chair, carry him into bed ect. It was not easy, but I'm so glad I was able to be there and spend so much time with him. He meant the world to me and I will forever be greatful that I spent the time with him. Thank you Jason for opening my eyes to how truely lucky I have been to be there for my dad and say goodbye to him on the last day he lived.

chrisw443 : MORE! and fun fact, I SAW HIS MOVIE! No idea it was his!

Brie : Hands down the best video you guys have ever made!

Keira Getchell : Hugs and Love to Jason. This is why the last thing I always say to my loved ones when I hang up, leave the house, etc is 'I love you'. Multiple times when I've suddenly lost someone, I've found comfort in the fact that those were the last things I said to them. Love this interview series!!

Nicky Mae : Wow... Okay so first of all. Joe you did an amazing job, the interview was actually deep and wonderful. Second, Jason I knew I liked you from the moment you were on the channel. I truly relate to so much of what you spoke about and what you have been through.

Josh Wysocki : damn thats one cool interview! move over phil, we want daily jason!

Vibrating Taco : Dude, Jason is amazing man. I'm going to watch his movie now.

Doreorge : I am so sorry you are apart of the Dad club. I joined in 2015 and I didn't get to say goodbye too. Everything you said really resonated with me, and I am so proud of how you are always uplifting. Stay golden, Chief. We will all make it one day ❤

Jan : Damn this was a hard ride. I sat in awe, I cried, I laughed. I wouldve never imagined Jason to have gone through so much shit, but it fills me with hope, that he is taking live in his own hands and making the best of it. I appreciate you and all the work you are doing, Jason. Amazin interview!

Night Stick : Wow. This was fantastic. Words honestly can't describe how powerful the video was. I can honestly and truly say that, no movie, show, anime, YouTube video, or podcast has ever even come close to how truly incredible this was. The production was insane, Jason's background is just beyond words, truly the only thing I can say is thank you. Thank you, Jason, for being willing to share your story, it blows my mind a person can be that open and raw - I know for a fact that I couldn't have been as open as you were about my own past. Thanks to Joe for doing this, he's incredible at this! I was really surprised in the interview with Adam, but holy shit, Joe, you've blown me away yet again with this one - you're absolutely incredible at these. A massive thank you to Phil, for hiring on a team as cool as you've got. And finally, a truly resounding thank you to the team for creating an environment for each other where you can share a story like this, it sounds silly, but I've worked a lot of jobs over my life - some with huge teams, others with small teams, and there are only two jobs I can think of where I think I could ever get comfortable enough to share my own story - the fact that you've got an environment where you can share your stories like that is a statement about how truly amazing you guys are. To close, I speak for everyone when I say; *PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO MORE OF THESE!* I love getting to know the people behind the things I love so much, and it's interesting to hear everyone's story, and see how different people's lives are. Everyone has a story, and it's really nice to know you're not alone - even if you've got a crazy and tragic past, like Jason, it's comforting to know there's another person who's gone through similar things as you and come out the other side of that dark storm on top, doing something they love. *THANK YOU!*

Isis Cordova : I have watched thousands of YouTube video's and I am definitely not the person to leave comments sprinkled throughout my viewing history but I feel like it's absolutely necessary to say thank you Jason. Thank you for sharing your story, and your life with so many strangers. The strength you have portrayed throughout your lifetime is nothing short of amazing. I look forward to see what amazing things the future has in store for you. P.s. I really love this interview series. I avidly watch the vlogs every week and getting to know the staff on such a personal level is pretty cool. I am definitely going to have to make it to the next meet and greet event.

MeowCore : Cried many times during this

Kalas82 : this shit should be educational material. honestly.

Dani Chan : I have had a friend crush on Jason ever since he started appearing in the vlogs. I just knew he had to of been a cool ass dude. I mean he is from Jersey and most of my family is from Jersey so I just like people from there. I'd love to have a friend like Jason. It does help to have at least someone to talk to about mental health things and I'm so glad that he's such an advocate in telling people to get help especially with all the shit he's gone through. Love you Jason! I now have a movie that I need to go find, buy, and watch!

Infinity0Forever : I'm surprised at how much this tugged at me, especially since I have no friends, haven't had any since sixth grade and was a total outcast in life. I think it's more the talk about Jason's dad, made me realize some of the things I wish were different from my step dad's death (since he raised me from the age of four) back in December of 2016. I still blame the hospital to this day but my mom just wants me to leave it be, I wanted her to sue for malpractice and the pain that it caused but she doesn't believe in that kind of thing. The last thing he said to me is "not to worry I'll see you tomorrow"....only he didn't because he passed away early the next morning, and just typing this out is making me cry remembering it.

Carter Busby : I'm so grateful to have this moment to be able to peer into the other side of someone I watch daily. It's so refreshing to be able to see how someone you feel like you know be so open, honest and vulnerable only to see that you don't have the slightest clue what he's been through. I commend Jason on his character after hearing what he's been through while still being himself. He may not be the first one to crack a joke but you'd be hard pressed to find a take without him smiling, mischievous or otherwise! haha It takes a very strong person to be able to cope with what he was dealt and to still come out the other side as well as being able to learn from his experiences is a true testament to his character. I want to thank the WHOLE TEAM but also want to extend gratitude to Phil and Jason not only for this expose but for the support you offer with your sponsor betterhelp.com I am the youngest of 4 kids and we lost our dad when I was 12 to lung cancer and our mom when I was 13 to breast cancer and to say my adoptive parents were the worst would be an understatement? BUT to this day my family knows me as the funny one who always has a smile on his face to which I normally do but it's eye opening to get this glimpse of someone else's life to see that we are all human and we all have something we are working on or through and that it's ok to be vulnerable. I'm not sure if it was the story or our current political climate or a mix between the two that has me opening up but as a serial watcher who doesn't normally post I just felt my sincerest thank you was deserved for not only you but the whole Rogue Rocket team! *wipes tears from eyes while realizing how proud I am of Joe for posting a video with not a single "PHiL" or "Do You Know what Day IT Is?!?!? HAHA Had to end on a light note! Finger sounds OUT!

Keychain2015 : Well sh!t, I didn't expect to cry but that hit me. Honestly, when Jason was first introduced to the vlog, I didin't really know what to think of him but seeing a little more about him on the vlogs and now this interview, I can see much more of him and things I didn't expect. At first, not gonna lie, I didn't think he was someone who really cared much about what others think (yes I know it sounds f ed up but I'm just saying what I thought in the beginning) and now I see that he is completely the opposite. The way he cares for others and his humor and just his persona makes me want to be friends with him. I honestly don't know why I'm writing this but here I am... k bye

Zencep : So much about Jason has been said thus far, I don't believe I can say anything different. I do want to say though that Joe...you sir have amazed me. You seem to know us and what we want to know and you can do it in such a way that makes us understand and feel even closer to all of you. We always see this goofy, corny Joe behind the camera and it's refreshing to see these kind of videos. Not only does this show more about the employees of the company, but we get to learn more about Joe and how he is as well and that's something I appreciate. Both of you, love this video. I'm so happy there's a platform, as shit as it is at points, that you all can share your stories.

Abigail Mac : Joe in a suit is so odd to me and idk why 😂 also Jason your dad was a legend. I'm so sorry for all your loss.

Tori Levchuk : I don't normally leave comments and this will probably won't even been seen by Jason or the rest of the rocket crew, but what you're doing is so important. It's always about the content and the most honest relatable messages, not the views. Everyone has their own stories and journeys, but Jason yours is incredibly touching. I completely admire not only how successful you are, but the perseverance you've maintained throughout life, despite the losses and hardship. I may not have experienced the losses you have, but it's something I try not to take for granted with the people I have in my life. You have lived and I hope you continue to live well with the same positivity, Don't feel the obligation to be the strong one for others, but the example of what everyone should be like in the face of tragedy. In addition, I've never heard of the penny reference, but I can promise I'll remember it for the rest of my life. You and the rest of the crew are amazing people doing wonderful work, please keep up the great work. Phil, I've been a fan of yours since the beginning, and it's people like you that remind us we all have the ability to create a better world. Thank you and sorry for rambling.