Why is it a bad idea to have kids?

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TheSpazModic : It's ironic...the most conscientious people are the ones not having children!

MarcusSchmalzlockus : The most important reason: Life is suffering. You can avoid a huge amount of struggle by simply not creating a new suffering person. No one is harmed by not being born, whereas most people are harmed by their parent's selfish act of forcing them into existence. #Antinatalism

KROOL : Parents often use their children as a scapegoat and a punching bag.

lambchopxoxo : I'm 53 and never had kids.. I have zero regrets. Your reasons are good, but frankly virtually every woman I have ever met said that if they could do it over again they would NOT have children. Its usually women that say this because the "burden" of raising a child generally falls on them, in addition to working full time. Theres even a site about it... well, it has other content but the "I hate being a mom" portion of the site seems to generate the most interest. I'm really glad that women seem to be resisting the pressure to have children. Ive never understood the mentality of parents pressuring their kids to have kids.... its not their life not their choice. Another thing Ive heard people say is that having children made them less selfish which is frightening. I cant imagine the process for that while you have a child. I doubt that they popped out a baby and immediately became unselfish.

Marvin Simelton : Excellent observations. People who have kids seem to have great disdain towards individuals who don't.

NS : Been married 20 years and we chose not to have children. When we got married we didn't realize we had experienced major (violent) trauma as children. We had been attempting to avoid it with addiction, anger, fear, selfishness, arguing, denial, being fake, etc. But, deep down (that God) we did not want children. We wouldn't have been able to articulate why we didn't want any kids back then, but now after years of healing we know why. Marriage was a great place for our wounds to be open and in our face. It's been years of healing and we are "part way" there too, individually and as a couple. A child would not have allowed us time to see our need to dig deep and heal our past trauma's. We would have just passed on our pain to the child. You are right Daniel your 3 points are so true! Our society is so broken with broken people having babies and creating more broken people. It's funny, now in our 40s/50s we have considered foster care. But, I can see why, because now that our past is being healed the future with kids seems possible.

Karen Hannegan : Humans are a flawed species. This is not the time to have children. Actually, homo sapiens sapiens need to die out.

Sandy S : I totally agree with this man 100 percent. Why have kids so they can suffer and go through pain and sorrow. Besides there are too many bad parents anyway.

shapaco89 : Agree! It is so hard to talk to a parent who thinks he's a perfect parent. They are totally blind and think their kids are somehow guilty for their own misery.

Moé Ramirez : you're damn right! I have 0 and I love it!!!

Bon Sheedy : Many people say the 3rd world have greater birthrates than the west. True. But the west consumes far more resources. The higher populations of the third world use truly a fraction of what the west do per person. I have a problem with arrogance. It was truly about 14 when I learned about the resources us Westerners use. And people in these comments are arguing it is the fault of the 3rd world for overpopulation. The US footprint is one of the greatest in the world. It is 3-7 times higher than the majority of countries in the world, per capita, with only a handful of countries ahead of it.

Patrick Chapman : Interesting points you raise, but to play devils advocate here. If you hadn't noticed Daniel, birthrates in the West have already declined significantly in the last few decades and set to go lower even. However, the third world (where abuse is much more prevalent) child birthrates are through the roof. This isn't an argument, just my thoughts. If intelligent healthy people don't breed, the world is more likely to take a dip back into the past again. Not necessarily something that will effect us, since we'll be dead of course. But personally I would like to pass on a better world to the future if at all possible.

Mycoblue : I agree with you 100%, As a male I had kids (2) in my thirties with my 2nd wife, most people are not mature enough to be having children, hence the major dysfunction we see all around us today. I really didn't grow personally until my kids were grown and gone, if I were to do it over, I would not have had kids in today's world.

Danny B. : What about the idea that having a child helps you become less self-centered and less focus on your own "needs", wants, and desires. A lot of mental health issues come from a person being too focused on the self (whatever that is). In a way, having a child can foster growth as a human being.

Doris Wanjiku : I totally agree with you 100%. Broadly speaking, it's the most selfish act. Let's know ourselves spiritually, make the world a better place then procreate.

veruc w : The sad part is that less educated people will fight to have their offspring, yes they will fight with greater motivation than the educated people, but also sad are the reasons because of which they have children. Pretty stupid truth

لمى الشريف : This person is so sensitive and responsible. I feel so sorry for him. It's a huge responsibility to have children. It's hard, I agree. I find it just so sad, to deny himself the experience of having a child, out of fear of making mistakes. A big part of me, understanding my parents, was when I had children. It helped me forgive them, when I realized how hard it is to deliver a perfect job. Empathy to you dear one. Such a huge wound. I hope you resolve the resentment, you have towards your parents and reach a place of peace. Much love to you!

Frederico Dalton : I totally agree with you. Thank you for making this video.

Moshe Weinfeld : At 22 years of age I have decided not to have children and am quite firm (at least now) on my reasons. If I do desire to raise a child later in life, adoption would be preferable. Additionally, I wanted to thank you for your style of presentation, the simple interview format. (Your other stuff is good too) A number of videos on these subjects flash fancy images at you which I find to be quite pushy.

The Ultimate Reductionist : We need COURAGEOUS people like you WAKING PEOPLE UP!!

Amanda Jean's Drawings : "the best time to do your inner work is when you are single" this speaks to me very strongly atm as i am dedicating time alone to discover who I am as an individual and to healing and growing. Also never going to have children in this lifetime. Your words really speak to me as I agree with many points that you make. I really love how you speak honestly, yet fairly, about your opinions on the way things are. I find it very refreshing, like a breath of fresh air. Thanks for sharing Daniel :) I hope I can to listen to more of your thoughts in tue future xxoo Have a wonderful day!

kidokacio : I agree. I did choose not having children. Never regret is!

sawadee : I am an antinatalist, procreation is a selfish and immoral act. But anyway, any reason not to breed is a GOOD reason.

moonclan woman : So, I came from a traumatic background (and who doesn't, really?), I had kids and I *never stopped the quest to grow myself*. Would it have been easier had I not been required to live in a psychotic society? Yup. Do I regret having my children? Nope. Did I do the best for them *and myself* that I could, given what I had to work with? Absolutely. Did I get things wrong? Yup. Did I get things *right*? Yup. Do my kids appreciate me as an individual rather than as a 'parent'? Yep. Do I still learn every day? Absolutely. Do our ludicrously toxic systems of empiric 'economy' and domination make the journey way harder than it needs to be? Utterly. Do I think it's important to have individuals on the planet that have been raised by intelligent, switched on parents? Yes, otherwise we will have rapid devolution and increasing Idiocracy. *shrugs* I have no issue with you not wanting to have children- presenting childlessness as some kind of spiritual/intellectual/developmental superiority is heteronomous in and of itself.

twistedbydsign99 : I only had one child because that should still be population reduction. Watching this video made me think about adoption and how many kids really need parents and instead of getting adopted people make babies.


TruthRadiator : The world is not too crowded. It's a policy of governments worldwide to make life in the countryside too expensive to survive and to force people into the big cities to get a job. If you live in a city you get the impression that there are too many people because that's all you see. But if you look at satellite images you see that those big cities are very small dots!! It's all perception in combination with goveernment / UN propaganda. They don't want you to live in the countryside and being self sufficient, because than they can't control you. They want smaller populations because that's easier to control. They don't need a lot of people anymore for the factories because production is overseas and the world is almost completely conquered so they don't need your sons for the army. What they want is all the resources of the world. So they convinced YOU that YOU are using to much of it and it is time for YOU and YOUR FAMILY to die off. If you want more information just search for "Agenda 21".

Simon5005 : I think most people have kids because they're brainwashed from Day One that it's what you're supposed to do. There are so many things a person can do with their lives! And it's obvious today that the kids are getting the sh*t-end of the stick because there are so many "adults" that want so much, and therefore, both have to work, and the kids get forgotten. It's damn sad.

R Celeste Felix : The greatest joy of my life was having a son who is one of the kindest, loving and reasonable human beings I know. He tells everyone he had a wonderful childhood, and that I was not only a loving, devoted mother, but a best friend, too. We are still close. He is now 40, and happily married to a wonderful woman. They have no children because they frequently travel together because of their chosen professions. I was 27 when he was born, and I had spent plenty of time enjoying my youth and "belly button watching" by the time he came along. Maybe your pessimistic attitude is a result of what you perceive as a sad childhood. Sorry, but I think you overdo it in the "woe is me" department. I really had it bad in many areas with a schizophrenic father, poverty, dangerous neighborhood and local school and many siblings, but we always felt loved at home. None of us are perfect, but "even broken crayons can color."

Cecilia Pearson : I was conditioned from a very young age that I would grow up, get married and have kids. I'm so thankful that it didn't happen that way and I'm grateful for this video. Too many people have kids because they enjoy the idea of having mini versions of themselves running around... I consider that to be a pretty shitty reason! haha - thanks Daniel. Stumbled across your work through the wormhole of the internet re: tapering off my meds (which I'm beginning in May) Thanks for your wonderful and arresting insight. Cecilia

jamk916 : Its massively crowed with wounded people who want to be bully or unconsciously want to be enslaved by control freaks. Ideally, you are right but its a progression and i hope in my generation people stop hitting and scolding their children that would be great seeds to plant for next generation. And i don't think the grown ups are going to change and empathise with their self anytime soon, people who are in self-knowledge and self-healing would be good parents if they had have taken their healing seriously. And who needs a perfect parent, i want my parent to understand me, support me, not hit or scold me, not bully me, see the healthy relationship of their parents, own their emotions & triggers. This is my definition of perfect parents in today's society (i think its achievable) and i would be very happy if my parents would have done this in this sick world.

vegan unicorn : good for you! thank you for the vid- 100% agree. I am never having kids

Wenceslao Arrieta von Oldenburg : I call this bullshit, humans will never be perfect, your theories can't work in real life. Also, the world isn't overpopulated, just some areas of the world are. I live in Patagonia and here there are less than 0,5 people per square km and it's huuuge land

Sunrise R : I think there should be an IQ and EQ test on men and women of a certain age, I don't think that low IQ and EQ people should be allowed to reproduce. This is eugenics and I'm fully aware that Hitler went down this route, but think about this with an open mind, both of these things will be detrimental for the growth and development of a child, to reach its full capabilities in life. Also, I think if you are on welfare/ benefits, you should not be able to own a pet such as a dog, let alone have a child, which you are not supporting personally, tax payers, people who work are providing the milk to feed your children, while you lay back and think of England and produce more, it's not right! So yes, i would have a real good overhaul of who should be allowed to breed and carry on their DNA and who shouldn't. I also realise that standards and good looks keep dropping with every breeding generation of crooked toothed, obese, ugly shaped ears/nose, bad bone structured child/ adults. Not to mention the ones who can't even walk straight due to a birth defect, or who walk the streets like hunchback. Low IQ women, who keep choosing low IQ men, will be the death of this planet anyway. These people are not problem solvers, they never read, apart from celebrity drivel, they never question and learn and expand their minds. They always revert back to type and they always manage to shoot out a pack load of children, in between gossiping, lying, smoking, possibly doing drugs and claiming benefits and being narsasstic. Let's have a chance at a better world and a future, men/ boys think before you impregnate any woman/girl, ask and think about her morals and virtues and for the love of god, look for any red flags and run for the hills! As for the women, who are the gate keepers, educate what's between your ears, work on your brain, not your glutes! Work on choosing a kind man, a man not on drugs, not hitting the bottle, not violent, a man of moral standing.. people of the world, vet who you lust, i mean love!

Tarzee Says: : Having been born in 1964, I can tell you I'm literally living in the movie IDIOCRACY! Most of you guys are not old enough to have seen the sea change in the human condition. The premise of the movie IDIOCRACY is that natural selection reverses it's self as a result of decades of social engineering; where the most fit inadvertently prolonged breeding indefinitely for careers and hopes of better economical conditions so they can raise a family on one income while the least fit and the most backward at the bottom of society continue to breed like rabbits and cockroaches as the most intelligent of society die off and disappear. The movie depicts a near future where the average IQ is in the high 80's or worse, and being able to read this considered to be gay and ridiculed. The movie was a funny comedy in the 90's, but now it's a sad commentary of today's generations; especially since the measured IQ of today's population has dropped a measured 14 points to 86, and it's illegal for the military to induct anyone with a measured IQ of 83. That tells me the population has been brain damaged like in the book BRAVE NEW WORLD; which explains why I feel like I'm living amongst a population of Gammas, Deltas, and Epsilons. I'm no genius, but damn! I feel like the proverbial one eyed man in the world of the blind! The point being Social Engineering like feminism and Cultural Marxism has reversed and inverted Natural Selection.

Laurita's Confessions : My parents didn't do their inner work. Great video :)

elizabeth croninger : Yeah human beings are turning out to be a pretty crappy species, there definitely need to be less of us, especially those who think they are the most deserving and entitled to have more than others despite being apex predatory humans amongst the herd.

AdamOuissellat : Daniel have you heard of Lenon Honor? He talks about letting the mind heal itself in a similar way that if you have a physical injury you should rest, eat well and not further harm that area. He believes that the subconscious mind is always trying to heal trauma but that we continue to expose ourselves to it which is why we don't heal. If you're interested you should contact him about doing an interview or something. He's a very cool guy just like you. It would be awesome for you to do a video together. I'm sure he'd be up for it.

Sky Carter : I wish I never had children. This world is crazy and sick. I can't wait for them to grow up and move away from me. I miss having a life and freedom. Every woman I meet I advise them not to have children unless being an indentured slave for 18 to 25 years sounds like a good idea then have them. But if you want of life of freedom and happiness I would suggest remaining single or if you married not to have ANY children. It will mess up the marriage trust me. I am sure I would still be married had I not had any children. The stress of raising children will destroy your marriage especially if you have more than 2. I am so jealous of people who do not have kids. I dream of the freedom and peace of mind I once had before I gave birth to them.

Sebastian Kristof : Daniel, I enjoyed tremendously your videos on psychotherapy, but this one... how should I say it? It makes no sense. It's as if all your intelligence and experience were channeled into a rationalization so transparent that only you cannot see through it. Remember your story from another video, how you saw that some therapists were obviously gay, and they weren't even in touch with themselves enough to recognize that? And they employed all their defenses to laugh it off and prove you wrong? Well, that's what you are doing here, and you don't even recognize it in yourself. That's kind of funny (and I'm saying it with fascination and a lot of compassion). You're obviously a father. And a good one at that. It'd be awesome to see you come out one day. :-) All the best.

Dan : Daniel, you say you were a therapist. As a therapist, you should be able to cut through this rather transparent facade and see the rationalizations and defenses you're using. Obsession with growth is a confirmation of feeling small and scared. Accepting responsibility (especially on growing a child) on the other hand, is a mature act. Running away from it is not mature. You should also examine your close friendship with Fred Timm, it seems you're a captive in his own world and you're playing into his own will, renouncing your own. Idolizing any person is not healthy especially a man that does not seem healthy in the first place. You don't have to please him, you're doing the same thing all over again, he's dominating you and you're projecting your need of an accepting parent on him. And he's projecting his need of being a parent on you.

Elizabeth Faraone : we do have too many people on the earth, but if you fall deeply in love, you're gonna want to have kids, Daniel - i'm just sayin' i don't have children and I'm 53 years old - but it wasn't my choice and I wholeheartedly agree with you that it's best to have children when we are ready to have them i do have four cats who are my children - they were a litter of homeless kitties and once I took them in, with the intention of fostering them, I ended up keeping them because I thought it was cruel to separate them - and now, we're one big, happy family https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoFgQqPH3v0

Cynthia Allen : I never wanted kids and didn't have them. It seemed so unappealing to me. All of my sibs did and every family get together was void of adult conversation. My parents did take out their unresolved issues on us and they were winging it, like most people. I'm sure that played into my decision but I wasn't fully conscious of it. I had too much pain to work on at the time, and was very aware of it. I too, like kids but prefer German Shepherds.

kardrasa : you say wise people shouldnt have children and then you say that children deserve the best parents possible. Which one is it?

Fagg0T GamesReviewer : This is my personal life so bear with me on this. I'm 22, I've been single all of my 22 years without regret, and all I can say is I respect and appreciate the people who made me who I do not even know (I was adopted at a young age), but I wholeheartedly agree that early 20s and even teen years are a great time to fail, fail, fail, learn from failure, and if you get to the point of 25 to 30 and you're all psyched about having someone in your life, go for it! After that, if you decide kids are an important thing to you, go for it! When it comes to choices about how to use your body whether for reproduction or whatever the hell, there is essentially no right or wrong. What I would like people in my age group to understand is "fuck trying to please the opposite sex to adore you through clothing, wealth, and all that stuff. If you have to wait for the right person for you to come along, then f&$$ing wait. Everyone else may be in a rat race to fall in love but you don't have to be like anyone at all.

i_love_rescue_animals : I'm 56 and have not had kids. I remember when I was in high school, a teacher talked about exponential population growth and explained that in the U.S., where it is common to have two kids, this will still create exponential population growth. It really stuck with me - especially since one of my close friends came from a family of 8 (!). More people need to choose not to have kids - there are too many of us. We are going to use up all the resources of this planet.

JT : This is definitely an interesting approach, something to consider...I also agree that a lot of people do not work on their own issues before having children so they “project” these same issues into their children and the cycle continuously repeats itself. This is why we have many parent absentees and abusers and just overall childhood trauma/issues.

JanCarol11 : Thank you for this. One of my lifelong dreams was to "be a mommy," which got shattered by life (along with the dream of being a rock star, a concert pianist, a famous author, a high powered corporate lawyer) and reality. Now, older that choice has been taken away, and I married a man who made the choice (vas) in his early 40's - our beliefs - similar to yours, that this is not a world for children, only getting worse, and that humanity is about to kill the bees, habitat, everything, just to "sustain" this population... BTW pleased to meet you DM!

Think It's Impossible? : All the premises in this video are dangerously false. Point 1. "The world is massively crowded with people". The whole idea that in 50 years the world will be somehow unable to sustain a population is simply false, birth rate data seems to point to world population peaking in 2035ish then backing off. With that out of the way we can address his other reasons. "we use too many resouses" While perhaps true this is no reason to not have kids, it's only an indication that we are inefficient not that children cause the inefficiency. "we plant things that destroy natural ecology's" Same response as above. "we take up space that other animals should be having" This question is of course difficult since it begs the question "is a human life as important as a animal life". I don't know the answer, but I do know if someone was given a gun and asked to either shoot a human or a dog everyone will shoot the dog, this (likely) includes the uploader so his statement is self refuting. "but 7 billion of us, common" well all Ill say about this one is let's not put the atomic bombs in his hands. Point 2. "you don't develop as well with children" I'm not really going to address this point since the terms he uses are quite subjective and he justifys them by making the meaning of life synonymous with this development but this is arbitrary. Point 3. "children deserve the best possible parents" Why? he states this as a flat out assertion with no reason to back it up, he is assigning an unborn child a preference! But let's flip the lodjic around and see how it looks. "the world deserves the best possible inhabitants" Okay fine, we have clearly failed at that so what now? End the world? This gets to my final point, and why I said these premises are dangerously false; If we take him completely seriously, that it is a bad idea to have kids the inevitable consoquence of this philosophy would be the extinction of the human race in ~80 years.

Sean Blackwell : Hi Daniel, at first I was a little skeptical at the title. I thought you might be going off on some wild rant about how terrible the world is! Much to my surprise, I completely agree with your first 2 points, and have thought of that myself. The world has too many people, and, perhaps most importantly, #2 - when people have kids, they stop growing themselves! I've seen that time and time again! #3 is a little paradoxical. Its like, we shouldn't have kids until we fully mature, but since we are never quite fully healed, fully matured, we should never have kids....something feels a little off on that one. But #1 and #2 are so compelling, I think that's reason enough. As you said, we need a culture where people work on their issues, and that is nowhere near close to being here yet.