Why is it a bad idea to have kids?

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shapaco89 : Agree! It is so hard to talk to a parent who thinks he's a perfect parent. They are totally blind and think their kids are somehow guilty for their own misery.

NS : Been married 20 years and we chose not to have children. When we got married we didn't realize we had experienced major (violent) trauma as children. We had been attempting to avoid it with addiction, anger, fear, selfishness, arguing, denial, being fake, etc. But, deep down (that God) we did not want children. We wouldn't have been able to articulate why we didn't want any kids back then, but now after years of healing we know why. Marriage was a great place for our wounds to be open and in our face. It's been years of healing and we are "part way" there too, individually and as a couple. A child would not have allowed us time to see our need to dig deep and heal our past trauma's. We would have just passed on our pain to the child. You are right Daniel your 3 points are so true! Our society is so broken with broken people having babies and creating more broken people. It's funny, now in our 40s/50s we have considered foster care. But, I can see why, because now that our past is being healed the future with kids seems possible.

Bon Sheedy : Many people say the 3rd world have greater birthrates than the west. True. But the west consumes far more resources. The higher populations of the third world use truly a fraction of what the west do per person. I have a problem with arrogance. It was truly about 14 when I learned about the resources us Westerners use. And people in these comments are arguing it is the fault of the 3rd world for overpopulation. The US footprint is one of the greatest in the world. It is 3-7 times higher than the majority of countries in the world, per capita, with only a handful of countries ahead of it.

Dan Jones : I agree with you that the earth is surely overpopulated, and that's a whole other discussion in a way.. but my whole grip is kinda with the ideal of perpetual growth. I've been the guy in the middle of nowhere, out in natural places human feet have rarely stepped. I've been the hermit on the mountain basically.. literally and metaphorically. If someone has the balls to do it, they can be that perpetually growing person, basically that hermit, that is rarely seen or heard from. The point is, it's a pretty lonely way to go and it's not really for everyone.. If I had a wife who only wanted like one kid, I think maybe I'd be a little happier.

Frederico Dalton : I totally agree with you. Thank you for making this video.

Marvin Simelton : Excellent observations. People who have kids seem to have great disdain towards individuals who don't.

vegan unicorn : good for you! thank you for the vid- 100% agree. I am never having kids

moonclan woman : So, I came from a traumatic background (and who doesn't, really?), I had kids and I *never stopped the quest to grow myself*. Would it have been easier had I not been required to live in a psychotic society? Yup. Do I regret having my children? Nope. Did I do the best for them *and myself* that I could, given what I had to work with? Absolutely. Did I get things wrong? Yup. Did I get things *right*? Yup. Do my kids appreciate me as an individual rather than as a 'parent'? Yep. Do I still learn every day? Absolutely. Do our ludicrously toxic systems of empiric 'economy' and domination make the journey way harder than it needs to be? Utterly. Do I think it's important to have individuals on the planet that have been raised by intelligent, switched on parents? Yes, otherwise we will have rapid devolution and increasing Idiocracy. *shrugs* I have no issue with you not wanting to have children- presenting childlessness as some kind of spiritual/intellectual/developmental superiority is heteronomous in and of itself.

TruthRadiator : The world is not too crowded. It's a policy of governments worldwide to make life in the countryside too expensive to survive and to force people into the big cities to get a job. If you live in a city you get the impression that there are too many people because that's all you see. But if you look at satellite images you see that those big cities are very small dots!! It's all perception in combination with goveernment / UN propaganda. They don't want you to live in the countryside and being self sufficient, because than they can't control you. They want smaller populations because that's easier to control. They don't need a lot of people anymore for the factories because production is overseas and the world is almost completely conquered so they don't need your sons for the army. What they want is all the resources of the world. So they convinced YOU that YOU are using to much of it and it is time for YOU and YOUR FAMILY to die off. If you want more information just search for "Agenda 21".

lambchopxoxo : I'm 53 and never had kids.. I have zero regrets. Your reasons are good, but frankly virtually every woman I have ever met said that if they could do it over again they would NOT have children. Its usually women that say this because the "burden" of raising a child generally falls on them, in addition to working full time. Theres even a site about it... well, it has other content but the "I hate being a mom" portion of the site seems to generate the most interest. I'm really glad that women seem to be resisting the pressure to have children. Ive never understood the mentality of parents pressuring their kids to have kids.... its not their life not their choice. Another thing Ive heard people say is that having children made them less selfish which is frightening. I cant imagine the process for that while you have a child. I doubt that they popped out a baby and immediately became unselfish.

kardrasa : you say wise people shouldnt have children and then you say that children deserve the best parents possible. Which one is it?

Moé Ramirez : you're damn right! I have 0 and I love it!!!


veruc w : The sad part is that less educated people will fight to have their offspring, yes they will fight with greater motivation than the educated people, but also sad are the reasons because of which they have children. Pretty stupid truth

TheSpazModic : It's ironic...the most conscientious people are the ones not having children!

Elizabeth Faraone : we do have too many people on the earth, but if you fall deeply in love, you're gonna want to have kids, Daniel - i'm just sayin' i don't have children and I'm 53 years old - but it wasn't my choice and I wholeheartedly agree with you that it's best to have children when we are ready to have them i do have four cats who are my children - they were a litter of homeless kitties and once I took them in, with the intention of fostering them, I ended up keeping them because I thought it was cruel to separate them - and now, we're one big, happy family https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoFgQqPH3v0

Karen Hannegan : Humans are a flawed species. This is not the time to have children. Actually, homo sapiens sapiens need to die out.

twistedbydsign99 : I only had one child because that should still be population reduction. Watching this video made me think about adoption and how many kids really need parents and instead of getting adopted people make babies.

Patrick Chapman : Interesting points you raise, but to play devils advocate here. If you hadn't noticed Daniel, birthrates in the West have already declined significantly in the last few decades and set to go lower even. However, the third world (where abuse is much more prevalent) child birthrates are through the roof. This isn't an argument, just my thoughts. If intelligent healthy people don't breed, the world is more likely to take a dip back into the past again. Not necessarily something that will effect us, since we'll be dead of course. But personally I would like to pass on a better world to the future if at all possible.

Shoulders of Giants : except no one can ever be perfect whatever 'perfect' means btw

Sebastian Kristof : Daniel, I enjoyed tremendously your videos on psychotherapy, but this one... how should I say it? It makes no sense. It's as if all your intelligence and experience were channeled into a rationalization so transparent that only you cannot see through it. Remember your story from another video, how you saw that some therapists were obviously gay, and they weren't even in touch with themselves enough to recognize that? And they employed all their defenses to laugh it off and prove you wrong? Well, that's what you are doing here, and you don't even recognize it in yourself. That's kind of funny (and I'm saying it with fascination and a lot of compassion). You're obviously a father. And a good one at that. It'd be awesome to see you come out one day. :-) All the best.

jamk916 : Its massively crowed with wounded people who want to be bully or unconsciously want to be enslaved by control freaks. Ideally, you are right but its a progression and i hope in my generation people stop hitting and scolding their children that would be great seeds to plant for next generation. And i don't think the grown ups are going to change and empathise with their self anytime soon, people who are in self-knowledge and self-healing would be good parents if they had have taken their healing seriously. And who needs a perfect parent, i want my parent to understand me, support me, not hit or scold me, not bully me, see the healthy relationship of their parents, own their emotions & triggers. This is my definition of perfect parents in today's society (i think its achievable) and i would be very happy if my parents would have done this in this sick world.

Doris Wanjiku : I totally agree with you 100%. Broadly speaking, it's the most selfish act. Let's know ourselves spiritually, make the world a better place then procreate.

kidokacio : I agree. I did choose not having children. Never regret is!

Amanda Jean's Drawings : "the best time to do your inner work is when you are single" this speaks to me very strongly atm as i am dedicating time alone to discover who I am as an individual and to healing and growing. Also never going to have children in this lifetime. Your words really speak to me as I agree with many points that you make. I really love how you speak honestly, yet fairly, about your opinions on the way things are. I find it very refreshing, like a breath of fresh air. Thanks for sharing Daniel :) I hope I can to listen to more of your thoughts in tue future xxoo Have a wonderful day!

danielul05 : Daniel, you say you were a therapist. As a therapist, you should be able to cut through this rather transparent facade and see the rationalizations and defenses you're using. Obsession with growth is a confirmation of feeling small and scared. Accepting responsibility (especially on growing a child) on the other hand, is a mature act. Running away from it is not mature. You should also examine your close friendship with Fred Timm, it seems you're a captive in his own world and you're playing into his own will, renouncing your own. Idolizing any person is not healthy especially a man that does not seem healthy in the first place. You don't have to please him, you're doing the same thing all over again, he's dominating you and you're projecting your need of an accepting parent on him. And he's projecting his need of being a parent on you.

Strato Caster : 1 The world is rather underpopulated it's just the majority of humans tend to live in dense urban areas for lots of diffrent reasons 2 we have plenty of resources despite how much is being wasted and disproportionately shared. 3 life is not perfect , kids are not meant to exsist in an utopian world ,there must be struggle, responsabilitie ( including caring for each other and for our kids primarily) in the surviving process and it's no diffrent than what it is for animals and every creature, in fact we are more fortunate and our life is way easier since we got brains and we don't need to eat each other to survive, that's simply life with all it imperfections. 4 Reproduction is instinct, nature and the core of our exsistence, It's foolish to defy nature. When nature decides that we should no longer exsist it will wipe us out either we like it or not.

0xoButterflyox0 : My parents didn't do their inner work. Great video :)

Wenceslao Arrieta von Oldenburg : I call this bullshit, humans will never be perfect, your theories can't work in real life. Also, the world isn't overpopulated, just some areas of the world are. I live in Patagonia and here there are less than 0,5 people per square km and it's huuuge land

Catherine Talleu : You summed it up so well ! Thank you for that video, I hope it will inspire many people !

AdamOuissellat : Daniel have you heard of Lenon Honor? He talks about letting the mind heal itself in a similar way that if you have a physical injury you should rest, eat well and not further harm that area. He believes that the subconscious mind is always trying to heal trauma but that we continue to expose ourselves to it which is why we don't heal. If you're interested you should contact him about doing an interview or something. He's a very cool guy just like you. It would be awesome for you to do a video together. I'm sure he'd be up for it.

Think It's Impossible? : All the premises in this video are dangerously false. Point 1. "The world is massively crowded with people". The whole idea that in 50 years the world will be somehow unable to sustain a population is simply false, birth rate data seems to point to world population peaking in 2035ish then backing off. With that out of the way we can address his other reasons. "we use too many resouses" While perhaps true this is no reason to not have kids, it's only an indication that we are inefficient not that children cause the inefficiency. "we plant things that destroy natural ecology's" Same response as above. "we take up space that other animals should be having" This question is of course difficult since it begs the question "is a human life as important as a animal life". I don't know the answer, but I do know if someone was given a gun and asked to either shoot a human or a dog everyone will shoot the dog, this (likely) includes the uploader so his statement is self refuting. "but 7 billion of us, common" well all Ill say about this one is let's not put the atomic bombs in his hands. Point 2. "you don't develop as well with children" I'm not really going to address this point since the terms he uses are quite subjective and he justifys them by making the meaning of life synonymous with this development but this is arbitrary. Point 3. "children deserve the best possible parents" Why? he states this as a flat out assertion with no reason to back it up, he is assigning an unborn child a preference! But let's flip the lodjic around and see how it looks. "the world deserves the best possible inhabitants" Okay fine, we have clearly failed at that so what now? End the world? This gets to my final point, and why I said these premises are dangerously false; If we take him completely seriously, that it is a bad idea to have kids the inevitable consoquence of this philosophy would be the extinction of the human race in ~80 years.

finalfantasy8911 : Only a fool has biological children. The parents of the kids that died in mass shootings got a good wake up call on the true random nature of life. Natalists haven't received that wake up call and continue to live in optimistic delusion.

Amber Thompson : amen!

Joe McKenzie : Shit. I kind of agree with everything. While the idea of having kids is nice, I know that before I had relationships I had a very nice idea about love. Turns out I can´t even commit. So that would be very scary. Can one test how it is to have children? haha On the other hand, is it really always opposed to inner growth?

elizabeth croninger : Yeah human beings are turning out to be a pretty crappy species, there definitely need to be less of us, especially those who think they are the most deserving and entitled to have more than others despite being apex predatory humans amongst the herd.

Dan Leigh : got a lot of good points there daniel!x

kesh s : amazing video!

Carla Martini : I respect your point of view but I think it´s a fearful way of living and I can´t subscribe to it. Life isn´t perfect but I think you can´t spend your whole life looking for the guilty of your suffering. I think in many cases you can overcome your trauma in your life and forgive the others ,especially the people that didn´t mean to hurt you, like your parents for instance. I know it´s difficult to understand but you can´t grow internally without being in touch with the people you love... so why not to face this love adventure of having children?

Trumanime : The only reason I think its a bad idea to have kids is the cost, and all the expensive tech and gizmos you have to buy them in the future to please them. The next generation is not going to be pleased with cereal box prizes, and action figures like kids of the 90s, they'll want 900 dollar console systems every year, hover boards, hologram helmets, I pad 30, robots... that's if humans don't destroy the world in 10 years by means of government onslaught. Not that one chooses to spoil children, but technology is going to be everywhere. Everyone in societies already trapped in virtual chaos nowadays. Who watches TV anymore, its like there's no such thing. People live and breath in their devices. Kids nowadays don't even know what a Saturday morning cartoon is, its absurd. I do play videogames mind you, but there is a point where you start to think they are hindering the person you should be and pretending your real destiny away. Know what I mean.

لمى الشريف : This person is so sensitive and responsible. I feel so sorry for him. It's a huge responsibility to have children. It's hard, I agree. I find it just so sad, to deny himself the experience of having a child, out of fear of making mistakes. A big part of me, understanding my parents, was when I had children. It helped me forgive them, when I realized how hard it is to deliver a perfect job. Empathy to you dear one. Such a huge wound. I hope you resolve the resentment, you have towards your parents and reach a place of peace. Much love to you!

sawadee : I am an antinatalist, procreation is a selfish and immoral act. But anyway, any reason not to breed is a GOOD reason.

Danny B. : What about the idea that having a child helps you become less self-centered and less focus on your own "needs", wants, and desires. A lot of mental health issues come from a person being too focused on the self (whatever that is). In a way, having a child can foster growth as a human being.

i_love_rescue_animals : I'm 56 and have not had kids. I remember when I was in high school, a teacher talked about exponential population growth and explained that in the U.S., where it is common to have two kids, this will still create exponential population growth. It really stuck with me - especially since one of my close friends came from a family of 8 (!). More people need to choose not to have kids - there are too many of us. We are going to use up all the resources of this planet.

JanCarol11 : Thank you for this. One of my lifelong dreams was to "be a mommy," which got shattered by life (along with the dream of being a rock star, a concert pianist, a famous author, a high powered corporate lawyer) and reality. Now, older that choice has been taken away, and I married a man who made the choice (vas) in his early 40's - our beliefs - similar to yours, that this is not a world for children, only getting worse, and that humanity is about to kill the bees, habitat, everything, just to "sustain" this population... BTW pleased to meet you DM!

Mycoblue : I agree with you 100%, As a male I had kids (2) in my thirties with my 2nd wife, most people are not mature enough to be having children, hence the major dysfunction we see all around us today. I really didn't grow personally until my kids were grown and gone, if I were to do it over, I would not have had kids in today's world.

Ben Rodgers : The belief that it is wrong to have children is called antinatalism.

Gabe Hoffman : I wonder how it will be possible for children to one day have perfect parents when IQ rates continue to drop as a result of the people most capable of grokking your arguments taking themselves out of the gene pool? You get below 90 and democracy becomes unsustainable, the kind of conditions Syria is currently facing. The Flynn effect is ending. Do you have an answer, Daniel? Furthermore, do you agree or disagree there are biologically measurable differences between the races?

MarcusSchmalzlockus : The most important reason: Life is suffering. You can avoid a huge amount of struggle by simply not creating a new suffering person. No one is harmed by not being born, whereas most people are harmed by their parent's selfish act of forcing them into existence. #Antinatalism

gorilla twist : if humans were full humanity it would work out-- we would actually take care of eachother. I see lots of adult children living dysfunctional lives and are very unhappy. VERY unhappy.